sometimes i am nostalgic. its those moments i’ve lost that i won’t get back.
like, weird chaotic teenage love that was bizarre and messy and always either brilliant or unbearable and nothing in between. although i miss it i wouldn’t want it back and i don’t think i’m as strong as i was back then
like people’s fantastic laughter. i have way too many soulmates. and if i’ve ever called you a soulmate, maybe you should know it means i’ve stored the sound of your laugh in a vault in the back of my mind somewhere. when i do something i think you’d have found funny i hear you laugh. you pop into my thoughts often
like stupid clothes i used to wear. i have neither the guts nor the taste for those anymore
like being fourteen and having a ryvita for breakfast. and tomato and cottage cheese for lunch, because a girl in school called me fat. i think i thank her for it now
like disappearing from life for half a year to go completely mad. or perhaps it was the other way around. i learnt a lot about myself in those months and in some way i recommend it to everyone: months spent on sedatives and psychiatric medication
like being on the phone to a boy with scruffy hair, talking about how we’d marry jack and meg white between us and live in a huge mansion with a long hallway we’d run up and down in. the boy with scruffy hair will probably fuck meg white at some point because i guess people like his music more than hers
like having a bedtime and staying up until twelve talking to @sequins
like going to hammersmith daily for lessons and falling asleep as the tube stopped in acton, often waking up upon arriving in cockfosters and never feeling truancy guilt
like sitting on benches in parks years ago, with jaime, talking about blue roses and lying on his bed while he sang me a pretty smashing pumpkins song and probably falling asleep a little
like standing outside of an icecream shop with @youareaworldiorbit and finding out he used to be a fatty too
like driving through the desert in syria listening to she wants revenge and seeing puddles that weren’t there
like sitting on the edge of a cliff in uganda with three amazing boys and speaking hypothetically about the islands ahead of us
i am not articulate and i’m not finished
